Death in the Backyard
African Game Trails by Theodore Roosevelt. Green Hills of Africa by Ernest Hemingway. Death in the Long Grass by Peter Hathaway Capstick. The Possum Cop Chronicles by Jon Brauchle?
All, save the latter, are epic treatises by accomplished authors on the trials, tribulations, catastrophes and conquests associated with African safari hunting and big outdoor adventure.
But big adventure takes big bucks, and Jon ain’t got that kind of jack.
That’s okay; there are plenty of ways to find adventure, and maybe even a little danger, pretty much anywhere. An article published in the April 2022 edition of Texas Parks and Wildlife magazine titled “Tiny Trophies”, by Adam Comer, described “microfishing,” the pursuit of catching small fish (we’re talking tiny) with pole and line and sometimes hooks so small you need a magnifying glass to bait your hook even if you have 20/20 vision. The article can be found on the magazine website.
One of the things you’ll learn if you check it out is that microfishing can be done anywhere you might find a minnow: river, lake, pond and puddle. Unfortunately, the lack of rain around my house has dried up most of my microfishing opportunities.
You might be asking yourself, “But what danger is there in microfishing, anyway?” Well, aside from maybe the game warden showing up and writing you a ticket if you’re microfishing in public water without a license - not a lot. But if you go on what I would call a “microsafari,” the danger is real. For me, the microsafari came out of necessity. Some years ago, I lived in a house that was infested with scorpions – BIG ones.
I mean, I remember waking up one night, flipping on the kitchen light and seeing one hanging like a chandelier from the ceiling.
As I reached for the flyswatter on top of my refrigerator, that dude dropped to the floor and came at me! Quick as a cat, in one fluid motion (that’s how I picture it in my mind, anyway), I grabbed that swatter and spun around, flattening my foe into the floor with nothing but his tail sticking up from the mangled mess I’d made of him.
From that point on, I declared war on scorpions. I’d sometimes kill as many as three a night INSIDE my house.
When I’d leave town, I’d place a bunch of those pest-control sticky sheets in various corners and run them like a trapline when I got back. I’d catch tons. Then, someone told me about blacklights.
Scorpions fluoresce under a blacklight. You can find several models of handheld-flashlight- types online for around $15.
Couple one of those with a regular flashlight, and you’ve got all you need to get the kids out at night for your very own backyard microsafari. You can spider hunt with the regular flashlight (see “You Learn a Lot Around a Campfire” - Google-able from a smartphone near you) and use the blacklight to find scorpions, millipedes, tomato hornworms and who-knows-what.
What you do with whatever you find is up to you. If it’s a scorpion in my kitchen or a hornworm on my tomato plant, I terminate them with extreme prejudice. Everything else, I leave as I found.
It’s a great way to get kids up and outside, and it’s all big fun for sure. Don’t discount the danger, either. Granted, getting attacked by mosquitos or stung by a scorpion on your microsafari isn’t “Death in the Backyard” material, but at least you don’t have to worry about getting mauled by a lion or trampled by a cape buffalo.
Happy hunting!
Jon Brauchle spent 29 years as a game warden.
